Then again, there were things that I longed to do, be or be a part of that were not valued by dad, and those things he made fun of, pouring shame into my spirit as if I had betrayed him.

No matter how good I was at anything, I was never enough. Having lived under the completely selfish, yet surprisingly shallow, iron fist of my dad, I have a deep knowledge of the Bible, but as a child had never felt the merciful blessing of empathy nor been touched by the joy of grace-filled pride. I've lost you, reader, haven't I? At the time I entered Prayer counseling, I was desparately aware of my own immaturity and selfishness. Also, it is very common to have a pessimistic outlook on life, at times dealing with a morbid depression. Because the disorder tends to run in families, it is thought to be a genetic disorder. Dad as the head of household and my sweet-hearted faery Mother as his adoring rug.Īnother website I ran across explained that the person with OCPD cannot see the forest through the leaves because of a 'major on the minor' (Wikepedia). Personal and social relationships are often under serious strain because the 'full blown' OCPD individual insists on being in charge and the only one who knows what is right.' This seemed to scream of my parent's relationship. Sometimes that involves embracing labels or even stereotypes in order to grasp a definition of ones self.Īccording to Wikipedia, 'The primary symptoms of OCPD are a preoccupation with details, rules, lists, order, organization, and schedules being very rigid and inflexible in their beliefs showing perfectionism that interferes with completing a task excessive focus on being productive with their time being very conscientious having inflexible morality, ethics, or values hoarding items that may no longer have value and a reluctance to trust a work assignment or task to someone else for fear that their standards will not be met. I am not a big believer in living by excuse, but I do very much hold to the belief that one must dig to the root of one's soul and try to forge a life beyond what has been. At the time I was digging into the cistern of lives past and seeking purpose, understanding, hope. By cause of fate or hand of God, I ran across a mental disorder known as Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD).

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